Finances play a big role in marriage and in life in general. It is one of things in this world that can easily get us off track. Jesus spoke about money quite a bit during His time on earth – that’s no coincidence. Marriage brings together 2 persons of varying backgrounds, possibly different understandings of money and risk. It’s no wonder then that finances is one of the top reasons for divorce and separation, even for Christian couples. An article done by investopedia.com entitled “Top 6 Marriage-Killing Money Issues” summarized the problems pretty well. The article described the issues as:

1. What’s Mine? What’s Yours? What’s Ours? – Misalignment regarding ownership
2. Debt – When debt is owed, it becomes a source of stress and strain especially when there are secrets, guilt or a lack of agreement on the reason for incurring the debt.
3. Personality – Marriage consists of two individuals, two different personalities joining to become one unit and this can cause a clash if the two persons coming together have varying view on money management and risk.
4. Power Play (Egos) – When one partner earns more than the other, it can become a source of inflated ego. Whether subconsciously or consciously, the partner earning more may begin to believe that they have more claim over the financial decisions of the household because they earn more. This can snowball into a myriad of challenges for the couple.
5. Children – Raising children comes with a cost. Some of the reasons for grievance in marriages, as it pertains to children include: how much to spend on schooling, clothing, and even gifts. Over the 18 years it takes to raise a child to the point of legal “adulthood”, the costs are significant. If, therefore, they are not properly planned for and agreed upon, it can easily become yet another point of contention in the marriage.
6. Extended Family – Family members may require assistance whether on a regular or sporadic basis. How is that dealt with by the couple? Does one feel like the other gives “too much” to their extended family? Is the amount being given agreed upon by both parties? Again, this has been a sore point for many marriages.

Overcoming Financial Hardship

We have personally experienced five of the six points mentioned above. It was difficult (to say the least) and truly brought us to the end of ourselves but we turned to God and He truly did a transformative work in us which He continues to do today. Here are some of the priceless lessons we have learned on this journey of surviving through the hardships:

Love each other well (Ephesians 5:21-30; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Marriage is about more than the money. These verses are foundational in teaching us how to view love correctly as children of God – putting each other first and seeking to be gentle, caring, understanding and unselfish. They provide a springboard for everything else in your marriage.

Be intentional and steadfast in your efforts to change (2 Peter 1:4-9)

Change and growth do not come automatically…oh no, not at all! It takes dedication, patience, resilience, persistence and discipline. Development and application of these traits are vital in getting through the challenging times. James 1:2-4 tells us to count it all joy when we face all kinds of trouble in this world as the testing of your faith produces perseverance and perseverance brings you into maturity. As you remain steadfast in this journey of mending your marriage and practicing financial management God’s way, it will bring you into maturity as a couple.

Work together to overcome the challenges you are facing

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 tells us that two are better than one as one will be able to help the other if he falls. Getting to this point really does require the commitment to and application of the first two points – love each other well and remain steadfast on your journey together. You are able to be better together than apart if you are able to do this money thing God’s way.

Avoid the enslavement of debt (Prov 22:7)

Debt quickly becomes stifling if not managed well. It also becomes your master, and not a good one. Make your decisions about clearing and taking on new debt TOGETHER. Seek agreement before taking on any obligations as whatever one party agrees to will impact the other. A part of loving well is respecting the other person enough to discuss with them matters that will affect them…and debt is a big one. Commit to sharing openly your desires, concerns and thoughts regarding the management of your finances as a family. Stay away from taking offense and seek always to work together to come to an agreed approach to financial matters, including debt.

Steward God’s money well (Matt 25:14-30)

All things belong to God. Money is no exception. As His children, we steward what is His. Continuously ask yourselves, “Are we spending responsibly?”. You concept of “responsibly” will change as your relationship with God continues to grow. Our encouragement – be obedient to His guidance to you in your current season. Actively seek His will and act accordingly.

This journey does not promise to be easy but it will be rewarding. It gives you an opportunity to move from fighting to thriving TOGETHER.

Blessings,

The Macks